Friendship: The Best Thing that Comes to Life

It seems that life in my region goes through a closed circle. When you feel that you have reached a degree of peaceful living and you start to make tentative plans for your life, violence erupts again and brings you back to square one, as uncertainty and stress dominate.

In the past, I have managed to overcome my stress through different activities such as drawing, reading, watching movies and listening to music. In the last couple of years, however, social media has been my stress-relief tool. I started actively using the Internet around the year 2008, connecting with my old friends scattered around the world and making new friends. 

Friends through social media come and go just like in real life. Nevertheless, they can truly affect our lives during the span of our connection and sometimes well beyond.

I recall when Dad was on his death bed, he kept asking Mum about his old friends and neighbors. Mum first thought that he was delusional and said, “Why don’t you ask about your brothers and sisters?” His answer rather striking: “My brothers and sisters know that I am about to die and have not shown up for a visit. I want to know if my old friends know how I am doing and if anyone inquired about me.” Dad’s statement was clear and came straight from the heart. 

Dad had an outgoing and remarkable personality that made him very lovable and enjoyable to be with. When he died at the age of 94, a large number of his long-lost friends attended his funeral service. 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” ― A.A. Milne, author of Winnie-the-Pooh

Coming back to me, over the years and especially during our times of crisis, many of my current and long lost friends contacted me to offer help and support. Do I expect everyone to call? Of course not. Some could be overwhelmed dealing with their own personal problems. It seems that others wish to join me only during times of happiness or peace, or connect with me because they simply need me and do not want to give anything in return.

What I have learned from the many different friendships I have made over the years in real life and on social media is the following:

• Being afraid to connect with new people because they might not become genuine friends could endanger the possibility of making any valuable connection. 

• Getting obsessed with the idea that social media friends are not real and can’t do any good for us is an absurd thought since over the years some of my social media friends showed me far more empathy and compassion than the “real-life” ones.
• Showing people that you care does not mean that you want to possess them. It only means that they are special; they can count on you at any time and trust you with their friendship. 
• Trying to contact someone after a long period of disconnection does not mean that you are out of touch with reality. People we once loved and cared about are always in the back of our mind and they can pop up unexpectedly in our thoughts and in our lives. 
• Don't be too busy for your friends, and don't take them for granted. When I ask myself which person in my life means the most to me, I often think of those who have equally shared my joy and pain, talked to me in an hour of confusion and listened to me relentlessly.

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ― Albert Camus 

* I would like to thank my friend Richard Pennington for his most valuable comments!

Gifts That Really Matter

As the holiday season approaches, we see more quotes and posts about gifts, Santa Claus and Christmas lists. One that caught my attention lately says, “I think as you grow older, your Christmas list gets smaller and the things you really want for the holidays can’t be bought.” Reading this quote made me think how my Christmas lists have changed over the years.

Like any child, I loved dolls and soft toys but I had only a few as my parents could not afford to indulge me with presents. We were five kids and my dad’s job was not going well at the time. What mattered most to my parents was for us to be well educated and well fed. Dolls and toys were never a priority for them, even for Christmas. During my impressionable childhood, this was somehow upsetting to me. But now I have the perspective of a few years, and when I reconsider the situation, how much did I miss? Not much at all. On the contrary, having only what was strictly necessary made me appreciate more what was really important in life and motivated me to work harder and improve my status.

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” ―Denis Waitley

I was 11 when the civil war started in my country. The surrounded violence turned me from a joyful extroverted child to an introverted teenager. I loved reading, drawing, listening to music and watching movies. The gifts that I enjoyed most were music tapes and CDs. I never had any interest in fancy gifts, and that never changed in me. In fact, I recall an incident in one of my wedding anniversaries; my husband surprised me with an expensive piece of jewelry. But he was disappointed upon seeing my facial reaction when I opened the gift. At that time, I wished that he had bought me Time Traveler, a set of five CDs by the Moody Blues that I had seen earlier with him. He knew how much I loved this band and how much I cherish such gifts. 

The years went by, and the thing I wanted most was to have a child. But this was not an easy task for me. Ironically, the only tests I ever failed in my life were pregnancy tests. But I never gave up. Deep down inside, I knew I would have my own kids. Finally, after 20 years of childless marriage, seven IVF trials, loads of medicines and injections, and three miscarriages I had beautiful twins, one of each gender.

“Everything you need will come to you at the perfect time.” ―Unknown

Since the day they were born, my twins were pampered with expensive presents by family members and friends. But what amazes me most is that my four-year-old kids are more interested in some unusual gifts that they can buy from a vending machine in a local store, made of very small plastic boxes that cost almost nothing, each of which contains each a small toy. My daughter and son are always fascinated by these tiny gifts, which may contain fake jewelry, colorful bouncing balls, tiny cars or some build-it-yourself toys. This reminds me that the joy brought by any gift has nothing to do with its size or material value; it’s only the pleasure of unfolding it and discovering what is inside that matters most.

“Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us.” ― Boris Pasternak

Almost two years ago, my father died at the age of 94. He left behind some great stories and memories. When I visit my parents’ house, I always expect him to appear from behind, but he doesn't. There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone we love, and why even make the attempt? Our memories and gratitude are our precious gifts that can fill the emptiness created by the loss of our loved ones and transform the pain of their loss into acceptance. 

Thus, the gifts that I appreciate most are the ones that are useful in my life—that is:

• Love, to give and receive abundantly.
• Peace, to be able to live freely and with dignity.
• Time, to live and love the way it matters to me. 

“Everything I know, I know because of love.” ― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

* I would like to thank my friend Richard Pennington for his most valuable comments!
* Corel Drawing by Hoda Maalouf 

Socializing and Circling People

I grew up in the suburbs of Beirut at a time when all the neighbors knew each others, women had early morning coffee together, men played backgammon during their leisure time and, kids played freely in the alleys after school. Growing up in such a relaxed social environment nurtured my socializing habits which started at the very early age of six. At that age, I loved watching TV. Unfortunately, we did not have a television set at home until I was nine. My father believed that TV was a bad influence on us during school days so we only had a TV set in our village home, where we used to spend our summer vacations.

In spite of my dad’s restrictions, I managed to watch my favorite programs all year long. To do that, I selected a couple of people from my neighborhood who shared my “passion” for TV. I can remember “Imm George”, an old lady who I visited twice a week so we could watch local sitcoms that we both loved so much. And then there was “Hasmik,” a young Armenian woman in her twenties and mother of a little baby girl; I sometimes served as a babysitter for her. Hasmik and I watched soaps and dramas on TV. And my passion for action and thriller programs was satisfied with my best friend from childhood, “Naji.” He was one year older than I and my second-in-command when organizing parties, monitoring games and solving conflicts among the local kids.

As I managed to wisely allocate my time without affecting my school results or abusing the kindness of any of our neighbors, my parents found no harm with my strange socializing habits. Finally, Dad gave up on his theory of TV blackout and bought us a television set, which was great news for me but not for my TV buddies who kept reminiscing about our shared evenings and insisted on inviting me to their homes long after my childhood years had passed.

“In the long history of humankind, those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” − Charles Darwin

My passion for watching TV continued until the beginning of the Internet era. A new technology was born, and a new passion has blossomed in me. I started actively using the Internet around the year 2000, connecting with my old friends scattered around the world. Then, I realized that I was not taking full advantage of the web. So I decided to infuse my name in a pen pal database to connect with more people and find new friends. Although I got many replies that were mostly useless, I managed to build, as a result of that venture, some very good friendships that have endured.

Being a faithful advocate for social media, I can’t overlook the many “non-believers” and their skeptical view that no real friendship can ever blossom out of social media connections. I, on the contrary, believe that having the opportunity to think before we speak gives us a much better chance to have a useful dialog, and to help overcome our buried fear of rejection and adverse scrutiny.

Another criticism I have heard a multitude of times is the impossibility of having a large number of friends in real life—so how would this be possible in the virtual world? Well my answer is that it is actually more feasible on the web to have a large number of friends than in real life, because the whole world is within our reach and is full of people who share our interests. Moreover, for friendship-thirsty souls, it is absolutely necessary in this disconnected world to be fully connected through the web because it brings similar people together no matter their location or time zone.

“Social media spark a revelation that we, the people, have a voice, and through the democratization of content and ideas we can once again unite around common passions, inspire movements, and ignite change.” ― Brian Solis

I like Facebook because it allows me to connect with friends and family. I love Twitter, since it generates a never-ending stream of information, to pick, filter, process and store, nurturing my everlasting love for new information and connections. But, I must admit, my real passion goes to Google+ because it embodies brilliantly the concept of communities and brings back to me my old childhood habits of socializing and circling people.

My passion for social media will continue to grow because it allows me to open my heart and mind, to connect and learn, to love and support − hence to be myself. I will end this post with a message to all non-believers of social media:

“How can you squander even one more day not taking advantage of the greatest shifts of our generation? How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable?” −Seth Godin


Thank You RAP for your valuable Comments!