Friendship: The Best Thing that Comes to Life

It seems that life in my region goes through a closed circle. When you feel that you have reached a degree of peaceful living and you start to make tentative plans for your life, violence erupts again and brings you back to square one, as uncertainty and stress dominate.

In the past, I have managed to overcome my stress through different activities such as drawing, reading, watching movies and listening to music. In the last couple of years, however, social media has been my stress-relief tool. I started actively using the Internet around the year 2008, connecting with my old friends scattered around the world and making new friends. 

Friends through social media come and go just like in real life. Nevertheless, they can truly affect our lives during the span of our connection and sometimes well beyond.

I recall when Dad was on his death bed, he kept asking Mum about his old friends and neighbors. Mum first thought that he was delusional and said, “Why don’t you ask about your brothers and sisters?” His answer rather striking: “My brothers and sisters know that I am about to die and have not shown up for a visit. I want to know if my old friends know how I am doing and if anyone inquired about me.” Dad’s statement was clear and came straight from the heart. 

Dad had an outgoing and remarkable personality that made him very lovable and enjoyable to be with. When he died at the age of 94, a large number of his long-lost friends attended his funeral service. 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” ― A.A. Milne, author of Winnie-the-Pooh

Coming back to me, over the years and especially during our times of crisis, many of my current and long lost friends contacted me to offer help and support. Do I expect everyone to call? Of course not. Some could be overwhelmed dealing with their own personal problems. It seems that others wish to join me only during times of happiness or peace, or connect with me because they simply need me and do not want to give anything in return.

What I have learned from the many different friendships I have made over the years in real life and on social media is the following:

• Being afraid to connect with new people because they might not become genuine friends could endanger the possibility of making any valuable connection. 

• Getting obsessed with the idea that social media friends are not real and can’t do any good for us is an absurd thought since over the years some of my social media friends showed me far more empathy and compassion than the “real-life” ones.
• Showing people that you care does not mean that you want to possess them. It only means that they are special; they can count on you at any time and trust you with their friendship. 
• Trying to contact someone after a long period of disconnection does not mean that you are out of touch with reality. People we once loved and cared about are always in the back of our mind and they can pop up unexpectedly in our thoughts and in our lives. 
• Don't be too busy for your friends, and don't take them for granted. When I ask myself which person in my life means the most to me, I often think of those who have equally shared my joy and pain, talked to me in an hour of confusion and listened to me relentlessly.

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ― Albert Camus 

* I would like to thank my friend Richard Pennington for his most valuable comments!

You Can’t Hurry Love—No, You’ll Just Have to Wait

I was two years old in 1966 when the Supremes came out with that big hit song on Motown Records. Written from the perspective of a mother to her impatient daughter, it contains a lot of wisdom.

Along the same line, these days just about the only thing we receive by post is junk mail, bills and business letters! We rarely get something we really cherish unless it’s a gift sent to us or a book we have ordered. I don’t even know the postman who delivers my mail these days. If you know yours, you are fortunate. 

I recall when I was younger and madly in love with my boyfriend (who is now my husband). He had gone to the US to pursue his graduate studies. At that time, there was no Internet and the landline telephone system scarcely worked as we were in the midst of the civil war in Lebanon. I used to write a diary every single evening and then after two weeks I sealed it in an envelope and sent it to him by post. I did that religiously, and he did the same. Our letters took two or three weeks to cross the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea, and I waited for them patiently and with anguish. 

“The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.” ― Mark Twain

The postman who brought these love letters was a very nice man in his fifties. He quickly realized how much they meant to me, so every time he had something for me, he rushed to our house with a big smile on his face to hand me the letter. I can still remember him coming from down the street to our house in such a kindly manner. And when he crossed the street with no letter for me, he would make a “sorry” sign on his face, letting me know that I had to wait a bit longer for the next letter from the States. I dreaded Sundays and holidays because I knew the postman would not be knocking on the door.

 “More than kisses, letters mingle souls.” ― John Donne

The arrival rate of these back-and-forth love letters could not keep pace with our elevated heart rates, so my boyfriend cut short his stay in the US and came back home to finish his master’s degree at a local university. As a result, the letters stopped coming. The kind postman worried that my boyfriend had left me, so he asked Dad about me to make sure that I was doing fine. 

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” ― Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Nowadays, we are far removed from the ’80s, when there was no Internet, instant messaging or Skype phone calls. This is affecting all of us and in particular the younger generation which has grown accustomed to being bombarded with fast-turnover information; they filter it instantly without paying much attention to its meaning. Our whole society is becoming instantaneous, just like instant messaging, instant photography, instant news, instant coffee and so forth. We are unwilling to decipher any complicated messages, wanting things simple and fast. Depth and nuance are out the window.

The biggest weakness of today’s generation is impatience. If I may generalize, it seems that young people want to see things happen immediately or get changes in place right away. They have no patience to let things develop and watch as situations ripen. Real dreams take work and time—and yes, patience. That tends to win out in the end.

“Traveler, there is no path; the path is made by walking…Beat by beat, verse by verse.” ―Antonio Machado

* I would like to thank my friend Richard Pennington for his most valuable comments!