Friendship: The Best Thing that Comes to Life

It seems that life in my region goes through a closed circle. When you feel that you have reached a degree of peaceful living and you start to make tentative plans for your life, violence erupts again and brings you back to square one, as uncertainty and stress dominate.

In the past, I have managed to overcome my stress through different activities such as drawing, reading, watching movies and listening to music. In the last couple of years, however, social media has been my stress-relief tool. I started actively using the Internet around the year 2008, connecting with my old friends scattered around the world and making new friends. 

Friends through social media come and go just like in real life. Nevertheless, they can truly affect our lives during the span of our connection and sometimes well beyond.

I recall when Dad was on his death bed, he kept asking Mum about his old friends and neighbors. Mum first thought that he was delusional and said, “Why don’t you ask about your brothers and sisters?” His answer rather striking: “My brothers and sisters know that I am about to die and have not shown up for a visit. I want to know if my old friends know how I am doing and if anyone inquired about me.” Dad’s statement was clear and came straight from the heart. 

Dad had an outgoing and remarkable personality that made him very lovable and enjoyable to be with. When he died at the age of 94, a large number of his long-lost friends attended his funeral service. 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” ― A.A. Milne, author of Winnie-the-Pooh

Coming back to me, over the years and especially during our times of crisis, many of my current and long lost friends contacted me to offer help and support. Do I expect everyone to call? Of course not. Some could be overwhelmed dealing with their own personal problems. It seems that others wish to join me only during times of happiness or peace, or connect with me because they simply need me and do not want to give anything in return.

What I have learned from the many different friendships I have made over the years in real life and on social media is the following:

• Being afraid to connect with new people because they might not become genuine friends could endanger the possibility of making any valuable connection. 

• Getting obsessed with the idea that social media friends are not real and can’t do any good for us is an absurd thought since over the years some of my social media friends showed me far more empathy and compassion than the “real-life” ones.
• Showing people that you care does not mean that you want to possess them. It only means that they are special; they can count on you at any time and trust you with their friendship. 
• Trying to contact someone after a long period of disconnection does not mean that you are out of touch with reality. People we once loved and cared about are always in the back of our mind and they can pop up unexpectedly in our thoughts and in our lives. 
• Don't be too busy for your friends, and don't take them for granted. When I ask myself which person in my life means the most to me, I often think of those who have equally shared my joy and pain, talked to me in an hour of confusion and listened to me relentlessly.

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ― Albert Camus 

* I would like to thank my friend Richard Pennington for his most valuable comments!

Socializing and Circling People

I grew up in the suburbs of Beirut at a time when all the neighbors knew each others, women had early morning coffee together, men played backgammon during their leisure time and, kids played freely in the alleys after school. Growing up in such a relaxed social environment nurtured my socializing habits which started at the very early age of six. At that age, I loved watching TV. Unfortunately, we did not have a television set at home until I was nine. My father believed that TV was a bad influence on us during school days so we only had a TV set in our village home, where we used to spend our summer vacations.

In spite of my dad’s restrictions, I managed to watch my favorite programs all year long. To do that, I selected a couple of people from my neighborhood who shared my “passion” for TV. I can remember “Imm George”, an old lady who I visited twice a week so we could watch local sitcoms that we both loved so much. And then there was “Hasmik,” a young Armenian woman in her twenties and mother of a little baby girl; I sometimes served as a babysitter for her. Hasmik and I watched soaps and dramas on TV. And my passion for action and thriller programs was satisfied with my best friend from childhood, “Naji.” He was one year older than I and my second-in-command when organizing parties, monitoring games and solving conflicts among the local kids.

As I managed to wisely allocate my time without affecting my school results or abusing the kindness of any of our neighbors, my parents found no harm with my strange socializing habits. Finally, Dad gave up on his theory of TV blackout and bought us a television set, which was great news for me but not for my TV buddies who kept reminiscing about our shared evenings and insisted on inviting me to their homes long after my childhood years had passed.

“In the long history of humankind, those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” − Charles Darwin

My passion for watching TV continued until the beginning of the Internet era. A new technology was born, and a new passion has blossomed in me. I started actively using the Internet around the year 2000, connecting with my old friends scattered around the world. Then, I realized that I was not taking full advantage of the web. So I decided to infuse my name in a pen pal database to connect with more people and find new friends. Although I got many replies that were mostly useless, I managed to build, as a result of that venture, some very good friendships that have endured.

Being a faithful advocate for social media, I can’t overlook the many “non-believers” and their skeptical view that no real friendship can ever blossom out of social media connections. I, on the contrary, believe that having the opportunity to think before we speak gives us a much better chance to have a useful dialog, and to help overcome our buried fear of rejection and adverse scrutiny.

Another criticism I have heard a multitude of times is the impossibility of having a large number of friends in real life—so how would this be possible in the virtual world? Well my answer is that it is actually more feasible on the web to have a large number of friends than in real life, because the whole world is within our reach and is full of people who share our interests. Moreover, for friendship-thirsty souls, it is absolutely necessary in this disconnected world to be fully connected through the web because it brings similar people together no matter their location or time zone.

“Social media spark a revelation that we, the people, have a voice, and through the democratization of content and ideas we can once again unite around common passions, inspire movements, and ignite change.” ― Brian Solis

I like Facebook because it allows me to connect with friends and family. I love Twitter, since it generates a never-ending stream of information, to pick, filter, process and store, nurturing my everlasting love for new information and connections. But, I must admit, my real passion goes to Google+ because it embodies brilliantly the concept of communities and brings back to me my old childhood habits of socializing and circling people.

My passion for social media will continue to grow because it allows me to open my heart and mind, to connect and learn, to love and support − hence to be myself. I will end this post with a message to all non-believers of social media:

“How can you squander even one more day not taking advantage of the greatest shifts of our generation? How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable?” −Seth Godin


Thank You RAP for your valuable Comments!